Did You Get Your FairyTale?
Today's post is a guest post by Jacqueline Daniel. Jacqueline is a life coach who specialises in helping women whose partners work away. She draws on her 17 years experience as a Fly In Fly Out (FIFO) and Defence Force wife with an intimate understanding of the complexities of this unique lifestyle – the challenges it brings from juggling work and family to the feelings of disconnection and isolation. She has also been working with me to further understand the intricacies that Pilot Wife Life can bring. Jacqueline is dedicated to creating a legacy of empowered women who own their identity, strengths and vulnerabilities, creating a life they absolutely love!
Did You Get Your FairyTale?
So you married your Prince Charming who didn’t ride in on his noble steed but instead flew in on a plane! Life can be a roller coaster of emotions on its own let alone having to throw into the mix a partner that works away from home.
We are so happy that we have finally married our prince charming that we are blissfully unaware of what lies ahead, ‘cos love conquerrs all. Right?? The day –to- day reality of this kind of relationship can be quite an awakening or to some a damn right rude shock.
Don’t get me wrong, we love them to bits that’s not an issue, it’s just once they’ve left that tarmac everything falls squarely on our shoulders.
When my partner and I first got together I was in my late 20’s with a 7 year old daughter in tow. “No problem”, I thought, “I can do this, I’m an independent strong woman”. Well, what I didn’t expect was to become an emotional basket case, I don’t think I’ve gone through so many emotions at once!
The Lead up….
Not so bad to begin with but as the week before departure approached I would find myself feeling agitated and uneasy an almost churning in my stomach.
I would try my hardest to squash these feelings and just focus on enjoying the time with him before he left. I knew I would miss him dearly and didn’t want him to go (after all this is what I signed up for) and I wanted to show him that I loved and supported him.
The funny thing is though those churning feelings kept rising and before I knew it we would be fighting and bickering, instead of being loving. Not what I wanted at all.
Of course we would make up but then the night before departure my mood would drop and I would be sad that he was going away.
Ok so now he’s gone, I’ve cried my tears so it’s time to get on with it, as you well know life doesn’t stop especially if you’ve got a job to go to and kids to raise.
The first couple of days were always an adjustment period and then after that normality ensued. So I would go about my business doing what I would normally do.
Some days were good some days not so good. I don’t know about you but the hardest part for me was if I had had a horrible day at work, or if the washing machine blew up or my daughter was sick. To then come home to an empty house and not have him there to talk to (some times we had no phone contact) not only did I miss the emotional support but the physical too – I needed a giant hug and that familiar “It’s ok, everything will be alright”.
In those moments not only would I feel frustrated, and alone but sad and a tad angry too because I needed him right there and then! (as some days just seemed insurmountable). But he wasn’t there, he was working albeit away but working to support his family.
Rinse and Repeat
So the days would come and go until his return home. I loved this part and to some degree I think it kept our relationship in the honeymoon phase for an extended period of time. This is where instead of the churning I would get butterflies in my stomach eagerly awaiting his return so I could throw my arms around him. Yippee, my man was back, my support, my confidant, my safe place………until the next departure and the emotional rollercoaster would ride all over again.
So how do you cope with the gamut of emotions, and still manage to keep everything under control and maintain your sanity??
Here are my top 5 tips:
- Remember to Breathe (most things are never as bad as they seem)
- Listen to music (nothing like turning the stereo up full blast & dancing out your emotions – even if it is to Wham, lol)
- Have a couple of trusted friends that you can reach out to
- Find a hobby or join a club (reduces stress & increases happiness)
- Get out into nature or take a bath – recharge and reconnect
To find out more, check out Jacqueline’s website www.inspiringvision.com.au and mention Sky Families book your free discovery session.
If you’ve found this helpful or know someone who would benefit from theses tips please feel free to share.